Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
