1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
