I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
