im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize