I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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