she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
