If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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