We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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