She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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