I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
