Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
