remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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