used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
