My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
