UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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