So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
