I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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