I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
