if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
