cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
