If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
