remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
