I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
