it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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