You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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