Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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