Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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