Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
