holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
