You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
