i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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