Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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