Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
