Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
