Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
