Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
