Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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