Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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