Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
