Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
