And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
