I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
