So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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