I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
