he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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