AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
