that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
