Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
