Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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