so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
