I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
