nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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