my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
