So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
