DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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