we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
