In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
