it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
