Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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