in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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