i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
