I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize