he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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