Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
