so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
