so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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