It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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