There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
