ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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