i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
