so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
